WLP Student Collapses of Exhaustion While Walking from Ansin Building to Paramount Café

By Charlie Greenwald 

It was quite the scene outside the Ritz Carlton hotel on Avery Street. Freshman WLP major Sebastian Colby, 18, lost his balance and keeled over on Tuesday right outside the fancy hotel, apparently from fatigue. Sources say that the blonde haired student from Peoria, Illinois was walking from a Women in Literature course in the Ansin Building over to the Paramount Café to get a hamburger. At approximately 3:56, he bent over, attempted to catch his breath, and collapsed. Paramedics arrived on the scene and rushed a barely conscious Colby to Mass General, which was fortunately just down the road from the hotel.

“It was a pretty scary situation,” said Beatrice Moore, a friend of Colby’s who was walking alongside him. “He was doing really well as we came up on the Loews movie theatre, but by the time we turned the corner, he started losing his breath.”

Colby is just one of several students recently who have gone to the hospital from long distance walks across campus, often to the secluded Paramount building. The Emerson administration is currently working on solving this problem, investing in jet packs for students to fly across down the street, so that fewer students are required to journey far and wide in between classes. At press time, students at Berry College in Mount Berry, Georgia were rolling their eyes as they walked in between classes on their 27,000 acre campus.

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