Student Avoids Eye Contact From Student Activists Camped Outside Dining Hall

EmersonCollege-Little

By: Malcolm Kelner

A student successfully avoided making eye contact, and therefore conversation, with a group of three Emerson student activists camped out at a fold-up table to the left of the Little Building dining hall door on Monday.

Multiple sources confirm sophomore VMA major Maddie Livingston hurriedly shuffled past the enthusiastic activists on her way to the dining hall for lunch, even pretending to text on her cell phone in order to prevent herself from being an easy target for whom the activists could hawk their progressive ideas.

Sources added as soon as she made it to the top of the stairs to the Little Building’s second floor and heard an Adele remix blasting from around the corner on what turned out to be a Beats Pill, she was ready to be elusive, quickly taking her phone out from her pocket and bracing herself for the worst.

“I think they were promoting environmental consciousness, or maybe it was some SGA bullshit,” Livingston told reporters.

“Or actually wait… I thought I might have overheard something about unionizing?”

After finishing her lunch, the Sacramento, California native took a hard left out of the dining hall, checked her e-mail on one of the public iMac desktop computers despite not expecting any important messages, wrapped her way around the entire balcony of the floor, continued through the back hallway behind the elevators, and scampered down the stairs back to the lobby.

“I think I should be safe down here,” she said, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow.

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