Freshman From Arkansas Lies About Home State for 34th Time This Week

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By Charlie Greenwald

Sources confirmed that Bailey Millhouse, a freshman from Fayetteville, Arkansas, has lied about her home state for the 34th time this week. This comes after several days of complaints from her friends and classmates.

“Bailey lied to me for weeks,” said Kip Jennigan, a classmate of Millhouse’s. “One day she tells me she is from Seattle, the next week she says she is from Chicago… At first I thought she moved around a lot, but then I realized she was full of shit.”

Initial reports asserted that Millhouse, 19, has been repeatedly petrified all year long of revealing her home state, being ostracized and labeled a cultural stereotype by her peers.

“It’s just not worth it,” Millhouse explained to reporters outside her Paramount dormitory. “Nobody wants to discuss politics or social issues with someone from ‘The Natural State.’”

Some students weren’t fooled from the start. Joe Skipson, a sophomore from Los Angeles, knew right away that Bailey wasn’t being entirely truthful.

“She told me she grew up in Los Angeles too, and so I asked her what neighborhood, and she said Fresno,” Skipson said. “That’s when I knew she was clearly from the South but didn’t want anyone to know.”

At press time, Millhouse was in the library checking out a book on Newt Gingrich.

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