Lazy Fucking Sophomore Takes the T From Boylston to Park Street on Day of Light Rain

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By Charlie Greenwald

Sources confirmed today that indolent student Kyle Pierce took the MBTA transit system from the Boylston Street station to the Park Street station today, just down the street.

Onlookers shook their heads as Pierce, 19, left the Little Building with an umbrella and walked down Tremont Street into the Boylston Street station, only to emerge 5 minutes later at the Park Street station. He then walked into Burger King.

“It’s a two minute walk, for Christ’s sake,” said Professor Miles Hawthorne. “I’m 67 and I do it every day, unless of course it’s a thunderstorm, but that wasn’t today.”

Many Emerson students have noted that the ride Pierce took is not uncommon. In fact, many students take the T from Boylston to Park on extremely rainy days. However, Pierce did the walk on what many considered to be a slightly drizzly afternoon, thus making the deed egregious.

“He’s a lazy douche,” said friend Satchel Pinkman.

At press time, Pierce was taking the elevator to the third floor of Walker.

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