Film Major Won’t Just Shut Up During Movie

By: Malcolm Kelner

On Monday night, an Emerson film major wouldn’t shut up during a movie playing in the 11th floor Little Building common room. Sources tell us around 25 students were in the room attempting to watch “The Dark Knight,” but had their viewing experience ruined by sophomore film major Derek Christensen, who just couldn’t keep his god damn mouth shut.

“Every ten seconds it was, ‘oh, that’s a terrific tight shot’ or, ‘the rule of thirds was totally broken there but it worked,” freshman Marquise Johnson said. “It was unbearable.”

“Like dude, we get that you’re a film major, but enough is enough,” added junior Julia Lee.

Sources added that while never told directly to can it, many students watching would audibly sigh or groan when Christensen would proclaim, “That’s classic Nolan!” or offer another one of his obnoxious critiques, but that didn’t faze the insolent little know-it-all, who was determined to not let a movie in his presence be enjoyed if there was anything he could do about it.

At press time, Christensen was having an animated tirade at his roommate, who had said he was going outside to “film” part of his project, despite using a digital camera that didn’t even record on film.

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