Unassuming Freshman Gets Clobbered by Clubgoers En Route to Colonial at 1:45 AM

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By Charlie Greenwald

First-year student Andre Paxton was slammed by an intoxicated clubgoer outside of Whiskey Saigon at approximately 1:45 AM on Saturday evening. He was rushed to the hospital with a concussion and minor injuries.

“I don’t really remember it very well,” says the 19-year-old Paxton. “I saw the crowd of people and tried to snake my way through them, but all I remember is a flash of light, some yelling, a thick aroma of cologne, and then nothing.”

Paxton was reportedly walking home from a movie night in Piano Row to his dorm in Colonial. They began watching “Star Trek Into Darkness” at 11:00 but they ended up analyzing Benedict Cumberbatch’s performance deep into the night.

“I stayed a bit later than I expected to, but we just got so into it,” says Paxton’s friend Eric Dejana. “The film needed to be discussed.”

Several Emerson police officers were scattered along Boylston Street and rushed to Paxton’s aid when they saw him go down.

“We saw it happen but there was nothing we could do,” says ECPD veteran Louie DiStefano, who witnessed the accident occur. “He was swallowed up. It happens.”

Paxton arrived at the hospital at 2:09 AM, but luckily avoided any major injuries. Despite this, Whiskey Saigon bouncer Kirk Diersley was torn up about the accident.

“I should have stopped it,” Diersley cried. “It’s a goddamn jungle out here!”

At press time, no clubgoers were charged with assault. Whiskey Saigon has promised Paxton a free Mojito when he becomes of age, in a little under 2 years.

“If I could do it again, I would probably have called Emerson police to walk me back to my dorm,” Paxton sighed. “I guess I just thought I could do it on my own.”

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