Student Makes Sad Attempt To Stand Out During First Class Introductions

By: Malcolm Kelner

Today multiple sources reported that an Emerson student made a truly sad attempt to stand out during routine first class introductions.

In the marketing class, “Understanding Consumers,” students were asked to each give their name, say whether they had any consumer research experience, and explain what they hoped to learn from the class.

While every student leading up to him answered the second question with some variation of, “I don’t really have any consumer research experience,” sophomore Brian Aase decided to break the monotony by shaking his answer up in true comedic fashion, hoping to make a strong first impression, notably for the female students.

“My name’s Brian, I’m a sophomore, and I don’t have any experience… IN ANYTHING.”

After two seconds of dead silence, some isolated forced courtesy laughs were heard from friendly students, sympathizing with Aase and his bombed joke. The rest of the students, however, responded with blank stares.

Aase has yet to respond to Lion’s Tooth when asked for comment, but we imagine he would have justified the pathetic attempt at humor by saying something equally stupid, like maybe, “You miss all the shots you never take.”

At press time, Aase had yet to receive a single Facebook friend request from any of the attractive women in the class, and was sighted eating lunch in the dining hall alone in that little walled off side section between the front and back rooms, across from the dish washing room.

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