LION’S TOOTH WIRE REPORT
Multiple sources have confirmed that Lion’s Tooth Co-Founder Malcolm Kelner is starting to get “kind of pissed off” over the lack of likes on the Emerson satirical online newspaper’s Facebook page and views on the publication’s website.
Sources add that Kelner has put a lot of time and effort into co-creating a thought-provoking and entertaining product he thought the entire Emerson student body would enjoy, but then feels like he’s yelling to an empty room when he publishes a post and none of the paltry total of 68 people who have liked the page–which is probably the most infuriating part–give the post a like, comment, share, or even a compliment to him in person.
One source even claims this has caused Kelner to put on Coldplay late at night and sob his sorrows away, although this was not corroborated by other sources.
When reached for comment, the studly writer laughed off and vehemently denied this report, claiming he doesn’t need pointless and superficial social media attention to validate his level of self-worth as a person.
However, the evidence is overwhelming to the contrary.
At press time, Kelner was sighted in his bedroom, constantly refreshing Facebook while bawling his eyes out to “Fix You.”