Annoying Freshman From California Won’t Shut Up About Never Having Experienced This Much Snow Before

By: Malcolm Kelner

In the midst of another big winter storm, annoying freshman Jeni Cyson won’t shut up about how she’s never experienced so much snow at one time before.

The self-absorbed Writing, Literature, and Publishing major from Los Angeles has reportedly been absolutely unbearable all day today, never missing a chance to remind her suitemates and friends in passing that she’s “totally not used to this.”

“I mean I went to New York for New Year’s on a family vacation a few years ago and there were some flurries,” Cyson gabbed to a group of people at the dining hall who could not possibly care less, “but nothing even close to a winter storm.”

“No type of weather for a Cali girl!” she obnoxiously added, which also happened to be the caption of the outdoor selfie she posted to Instagram and shared to Facebook.

At press time, Cyson was assuring her mother that she was safe.

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