This Journalism Student Just Got Critiqued By His Professor. You Won’t Believe What Happens Next.

Man-with-Glasses-and-Laptop

By: Malcolm Kelner

Earlier today, sophomore journalism students were presenting their video packages in a Beat Reporting class, and up came Johnny Ellison’s turn to present.

After showing his 1 minute 45 second piece on a community center in his “beat” of Roxbury to the rest of the class, Ellison’s professor proceeded to give him some critical feedback.

What happens next will you shock you. I have no words.

He took the criticism. 

That’s right. Ellison actually listened to the feedback from the professional journalist with over 30 years of field experience at big-market news stations, wrote the suggestions down in his notebook, and didn’t give any sort of retaliation or defense for his errors.

No “Yeah, but’s…,” no “Well I was just trying to’s…,” no “I thought it made sense to do that’s.”

“It was surreal,” said classmate Katie Wolfe. “He just sat there and took it.”

“First the professor called him out for only getting soundbites from one person… totally unfair. Then later he told Johnny it was too long because the assignment instructions said 1 minute 30 seconds tops, and it wouldn’t have aired had this been an actual news broadcast… talk about a personal attack!”

“I was looking at him the whole time, like, say something, Johnny! Fight back!” added classmate Jared Hanley. “But he just kept nodding. It was heartbreaking.”

Sources added that not only did Ellison not get defensive or take the completely valid and deserved constructive critiques personally; he thanked his professor after he was done, like a mature adult.

And to top it off, he apparently didn’t even plan on complaining later to the professor or Journalism Department Chair over the (generous) ‘B’ grade he received for the project!

At press time, Ellison got the attention of the kid sitting next to him and whispered, “Yo this guy is full of shit.”

Costume Design Major Overjoyed National Debate About A Costume Going On

dress

By Charlie Greenwald

Emerson sophomore and costume design major Chelsea Lesch is reportedly elated that there is a huge controversy swirling on social media about the colors of a simple dress.

“This is the best day of my life,” Lesch said, holding back tears.

Since its posting on Tumblr yesterday, the colors of the dress have sparked a broad Internet argument. Some argue that it is colored gold and white, while others assert that it’s patterned blue and black.

“I looked at the picture – I see white and gold – but I don’t even care what’s correct at this point,” said Lesch, hardly able to contain her excitement. “Just the fact that so many people are discussing fashion on Facebook and Twitter is a revelation.”

Apparently, due to personalized differentiations within the retinas, the dress appears different colors to different people. Many Internet commenters are discussing the lighting balance and the different viewing angles at which the photograph can be altered, but Lesch is just thrilled to see so many people looking at a dress and generating debate over it.

“Honestly, as a costume design major, this sort of stuff really thrills me,” Lesch said as a huge grin lit up her face.

At press time, the other 8 costume design majors at Emerson were offline and missing all the action, as they were backstage being under-appreciated at a rehearsal for an Emerson musical.

Emerson College Introduces “Sexy,” The Sodexo Clown, To Entertain Students

Screen Shot 2015-02-26 at 5.19.17 PM

Bearing in mind the toll that February’s weather has taken on students and with mid-terms coming up next week, Emerson College recently introduced “Sexy,” the Sodexo clown, to boost student morale.

“Emerson students love to be entertained, so we feel that Sexy will fit right in,” said Sodexo regional manager Ty Gilchrist. “We’re following the McDonald’s model.”

The privately commissioned party-time clown was first seen in Emerson’s Little Building Dining Hall this past Monday, providing acts and tricks for everyone at dinner time.

I totally dig Sexy,” said Tommy Runsted, a freshman. “The guy came up to me while I was in the deli line and made me a terrific balloon hot dog.”

While several local Sodexo employees have embraced Sexy in the DH, some external representatives from Sodexo have vocalized their trepidations concerning the hiring of Sexy at the Emerson branch.

“I’m deathly afraid of clowns so this isn’t my favorite idea,” said Sodexo PR Executive Mike Kneeland. “Whenever he strolls by I get chills down my spine… Jeepers creepers, man.”

A few Emerson students have also expressed disapproval of Sexy’s presence in the DH. Some DH visitors claimed he has been dropping random things into different dishes.

“I saw him put a ‘little surprise’ in my tomato soup,” moaned sophomore Ty Stewart, leaning over a trash can. “I really don’t even care about entertainment in the Dining Hall… I just want to eat.”

During DH after-hours, Lion’s Tooth was briefly able to catch up with the Sexy for an interview.

“I hope these kids enjoy the little surprises I snuck under their tables!” Sexy said as he honked his nose aggressively while balancing a plate of vegan pasta on his head and riding a unicycle. “Let’s just say their stomachs won’t be the only thing growling at breakfast tomorrow… Ha ha ha!”

At press time, Sexy was seen wandering off into the Boston Public Gardens around 10:30pm EST.

(If you have any information about Sexy’s whereabouts, please contact Emerson College Police Department.)

Emerson Quidditch Players Embarrass Division I Football Program In Offseason Workout

quidditchlionstooth

By Charlie Greenwald

ATLANTA, GA – In an unprecedented move, several Emerson Quidditch players were spotted engaging in a rigorous offseason training regimen with the Georgia Tech football team at Bobby Dodd Stadium.

“Fall is coming up, and we want to be in top form,” said Sam Livingston, captain of the Boylston Berserkers. “Our chasers are a little out of shape, and that’s just inexcusable.”

Located in the heart of A-Town, the Georgia Institute of Technology boasts a stalwart Division I football program. The Yellow Jackets posted a record of 11-3 last year with several epic come-from-behind wins. The team says they were contacted by several Emerson students about collaborating for an offseason training session.

“These guys are the real deal, so we paid for the airfare,” says Chris Riley, Georgia Tech’s athletic director. “I’ve seen nothing but unparalleled talent.”

Despite the excitement of a cross-sport fitness collaboration, several Georgia Tech football players and coaches spoke to the media about feeling intimidated by the Emerson Quidditch community.

“These guys are ridiculous,” said Georgia Tech coach Craig Gorcheck. “They’re kicking our asses on the Russian twists and uphill speed ladders.”

According to multiple eyewitnesses, the two organizations exercised efficiently together, alternating football workouts and Quidditch workouts throughout the day. The Emerson players reportedly had no trouble during the blocking drills, while many of the Georgia Tech players had trouble catching their breath after a brief Quidditch match.

“I don’t know how they do it,” said Georgia Tech star linebacker Reggie Decker. “Their competence on the broom is incredible, and their skill with the quaffle is artful.”

After the workout, several Emerson students were seen going over the rules with the Georgia Tech football team, entranced by the game’s dynamics.

“Football and Quidditch are pretty similar, gentlemen,” lectured Jamaica Plain Jaguars player Freddie Heckles. “They both require hand-eye coordination, efficient footwork… you know, all the fundamentals.”

Sources confirmed that before Emerson students left the session, several Georgia Tech players were seen asking when Quidditch tryouts were next semester.

School Abuzz Over Latest Celebrity Child At Emerson, Devastated To Find Out It’s Will Smith’s Elder Son

1380313070_will-smith-jada-pinkett-smith-jaden-smith-willow-smith-lg-will-smith-s-family-cleared-by-cps-over-that-willow-smith-photo

By: Malcolm Kelner

Emerson has been abuzz over hearing yet another celebrity child has enrolled at the school, but that enthusiasm is turning into devastation as the student body slowly starts to learn that student is Will Smith’s elder son.

“Wait… Will Smith has a second son?” asked senior film student Liam Eichman to Lion’s Tooth reporters.

The answer is yes, Will Smith does indeed have a second son, Trey Smith, who was born during his marriage to his first wife Sheree Zampino.

A Lion’s Tooth undercover investigation revealed the 22-year-old Smith enrolled in a music marketing graduate program this semester here at Emerson.

Trey+Smith+Vanity+Fair+Campaign+Hollywood+Gk8LdI7b79Rl
Who cares.

But we’ll try not to bore you with the details because who really cares about this guy anyway, right?

Despite his celebrity bloodlines and shared handsome looks with his father, Emerson’s female population has been especially hard-hit by the news that Trey Smith is the latest “famous” celebrity child to come to Emerson.

“When I heard Will Smith’s son was coming to Emerson, I got so excited because I love Jaden Smith,” said sophomore film major Vanessa Chapman.

“He was so cute in The Pursuit of Happyness, and his tweets are so deep,” Chapman continued. “I definitely would have tried to make a move, but then I found out it’s not him and just some other bastard kid instead.”

Our reporter quickly reminded her that Trey isn’t a bastard.

“Whatever, he’s not Jaden!” she responded, running off crying.

At press time, Trey was sighted eating in the DH alone.

BREAKING: Emerson Film Student Disagrees With Best Picture Award Winner

Birdman

By: Malcolm Kelner

BREAKING NEWS: An Emerson film student disagrees with Birdman winning the award for Best Picture at tonight’s Academy Awards.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” sophomore Zach Bigsby posted via Facebook and Twitter. “Not a chance in hell Birdman deserved best picture. Most overated (sic) shit I’ve ever seen. Boyhood got snubbed, that took 12 years to make!”

“But should I really be surprised?” Bigsby added in another tweet. “Far from the first time they screwed it up.”

Bigsby was reportedly watching the Oscars from his floor common room viewing party in the Little Building dormitory, and upon the announcement, stormed out of the room in a huff. When Lion’s Tooth reporters attempted to reach him for further comment, his roommate declined on his behalf, saying Bigsby was boycotting all media for the time being.

Bradley David Amerman
The film student was shocked his expertise wasn’t taken into account by the Academy.

But this story is far from over. According to several inside sources, Hollywood is already starting to feel the ripple effect from Bigsby’s outrage.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is currently involved in deep internal discussions over rescinding the award and giving it to Boyhood instead, and has also reportedly attempted–and also failed–to contact Bigsby to make amends.

“We deeply regret our actions of rewarding tonight’s Best Picture award to Birdman,” said president Cheryl Boone Isaacs in a written statement. “The majority of our voters felt the film was deserving, but clearly, based on Mr. Bigsby’s reaction, we were dead wrong, and will be working closely alongside him to make it right.”

At press time, Bigsby was watching Pulp Fiction in his room to console himself, and could be heard from outside saying, “Such a great shot there. Classic Tarantino.”

Overworked WLP Major Frightened He’s Actually Considering Watching Movie Adaptation

Guy-Reading-Book

By Charlie Greenwald 

Sources confirmed today that junior Craig Pierce, a WLP Major from Atlanta, Georgia, is actually considering watching the film version of “Factotum” starring Matt Dillon instead of reading the original text by Charles Bukowski.

“It’s shocking news,” says DeMarcus Rogers, an adjunct professor who teaches classes on flash-fiction. “We’re all extremely ashamed of him.”

Despite reading the full versions of Kafka’s “The Castle” and Charles Dickens’ “David Copperfield” without consulting SparkNotes or Shmoop, Pierce says he caved when the reading load just became too much to handle.

“I’ve been good all year, but I have an enormous paper to write in another class that’s due tomorrow and a test on Friday, and I just couldn’t read the book,” said Pierce. “Transgressive fiction is incredibly difficult to understand without some sort of visual medium.”

Pierce was apparently assigned the Bukowski classic in his “Poetry, Pulp Fiction and Prose” literature course, a thrilling but extremely challenging course within the WLP department. The students are required to either rent or buy an astounding 29 books for the semester, including some texts written entirely in Greek.

“We ask a lot of our students,” says interim chair Gina Diaz. “It’s a cutthroat major, but if they can’t handle it, they can go back to their diaries and Tumblr blogs.”

The news has rattled the writing community at Emerson to its very core, including Pierce himself. He says that he is deeply embarrassed by his actions.

“Although I may never be respected by my peers ever again, I found the movie for free online and it’s supposed to be solid,” Pierce sighed. “The director won an award for it at the Copenhagen International Film Festival, so, that’s a plus.”

At press time, several communications studies students were seen going to the movies using money that they didn’t spend on a ton of textbooks.