By: Malcolm Kelner
According to multiple eyewitness sources, an innovative, futuristic Emerson student was smoking an e-cigarette while chatting with fellow students underneath the archways of the Little Building this afternoon.
Junior film major Kevin Ivanov was the man himself breaking the age-old societal mold, inhaling breaths from an electronic cigarette, while his archaic group of friends puffed on the more traditional, tobacco-containing cigarettes.
When the in-depth conversation between Ivanov and those accompanying him analyzing the film “Foxcatcher” reached a lull, the groundbreaking student sarcastically exclaimed, “Hey guys, you’re going to have to stop smoking,” gesturing with his free hand toward the sign which clearly prohibits smoking in the area the students occupied.
“I’m good though, because I’m only blowing out harmless water vapor while you all are poisoning the lungs of innocent passersby with your second-hand smoke,” Ivanov continued, only half tongue-in-cheek.
“Fuck off,” responded one of the other smokers, fellow film major Hunter Browner, adding, “also I’d venture to say Carell is even better in serious roles than comedic.”
At press time, Ivanov was confidently stowing his smoking device into his coat pocket to save for later use, while his moronic, outdated friends were throwing theirs onto the ground and crushing them beneath their shoes.