Area Sophomore Totally Thinks Emerson Confessional Post Is About Him


By Jeremy Vandroff

In a truly pathetic turn of events, Sophomore Ryan Singleton totally thinks an Emerson Confessional post is about him. After scouring the popular Emerson Confessional Facebook page for over 30 minutes, Singleton stopped dead in his tracks on a post that he totally thought was about him.

The post, dated January 19th, read:

“To the shy guy with glasses in my ‘History of Jazz’ class, I just think you are so so so cute. Please say hi to me.”

Upon reading the post, Singleton, who does take “History of Jazz,” but has a personality more “noxious” than “shy,” felt his hopes soar. He quickly deduced that the post was probably written by the girl in the back of class, who has the cool Bodega sticker on her MacBook.

Singleton, who was so painfully wrong at this point, began looking for the class list on Canvas.

“Molly, or is it Mary?” he muttered to himself while foolishly thinking about where he might take this girl on a date.

At press time, Singleton was sending Molly Stewart a friend request on Facebook. Lion’s Tooth was unable to contact Stewart for this story, as she was busy having sex with the shy kid from History of Jazz class.

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