By: Malcolm Kelner
Emerson’s nerds are reportedly thrilled that Boston’s latest snowstorm is falling on a weekend.
Multiple sources have confirmed the socially awkward, uncool losers who definitely have no friends or social life could not be happier that Mother Nature is finally striking on a Saturday and Sunday and not during the school week.
“Unequivocally, I am very pleased these extreme winter conditions are occurring during days in which my studies need not be disrupted,” recited Peter Thompson, a sophomore WLP major and huge nerd.
Thompson and other local nerds, who are regrettably gaining cultural acceptance and even admiration thanks to television shows such as The Big Bang Theory and King of the Nerds, were reportedly devastated after the school cancellations of the last three weeks.
“It is incomprehensible to me that some of my academic peers at this institution were actually celebrating the class cancellations of the last three weeks,” added the four-eyed wimp, who probably wears one of those calculator watches or something.
“Nothing stimulates my senses like receiving a good liberal arts education.”
At press time, Thompson was getting shoved into a locker and getting all his lunch money stolen.