Freshman Baffled At Girl’s Indifference To His Being On Lacrosse Team


By: Malcolm Kelner

According to multiple inside sources, a freshman was baffled tonight after a girl he was hitting on at a party was completely indifferent to the fact he plays for the school’s lacrosse team.

Gavin Anderson was talking to a “pretty cute” girl–who refused to release her name to Lion’s Tooth–at a party in Allston, and right after the obligatory exchange of what their majors were, Anderson dropped the knowledge that he does, in fact, play lax here, and what happened next was devastating.

“She just gives me this completely blank stare,” a flustered Anderson said, “and finally says ‘I see’ and then just changes the subject completely.”

“What’s the deal with Emerson girls,” he said he thought to himself. “At any other school they’d be impressed I play on a varsity sports team, not disgusted. It was basically like I told her I kill puppies in my spare time.”

Anderson did tell us all was not lost, as he did eventually procure the girl’s phone number. However, he couldn’t believe how his spot on the lacrosse roster played absolutely no part, and most likely even hindered his efforts in the pick-up attempt.

At press time, a guy on the quidditch team at the same party had girls lining up to talk to him.

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