Overworked WLP Major Frightened He’s Actually Considering Watching Movie Adaptation


By Charlie Greenwald 

Sources confirmed today that junior Craig Pierce, a WLP Major from Atlanta, Georgia, is actually considering watching the film version of “Factotum” starring Matt Dillon instead of reading the original text by Charles Bukowski.

“It’s shocking news,” says DeMarcus Rogers, an adjunct professor who teaches classes on flash-fiction. “We’re all extremely ashamed of him.”

Despite reading the full versions of Kafka’s “The Castle” and Charles Dickens’ “David Copperfield” without consulting SparkNotes or Shmoop, Pierce says he caved when the reading load just became too much to handle.

“I’ve been good all year, but I have an enormous paper to write in another class that’s due tomorrow and a test on Friday, and I just couldn’t read the book,” said Pierce. “Transgressive fiction is incredibly difficult to understand without some sort of visual medium.”

Pierce was apparently assigned the Bukowski classic in his “Poetry, Pulp Fiction and Prose” literature course, a thrilling but extremely challenging course within the WLP department. The students are required to either rent or buy an astounding 29 books for the semester, including some texts written entirely in Greek.

“We ask a lot of our students,” says interim chair Gina Diaz. “It’s a cutthroat major, but if they can’t handle it, they can go back to their diaries and Tumblr blogs.”

The news has rattled the writing community at Emerson to its very core, including Pierce himself. He says that he is deeply embarrassed by his actions.

“Although I may never be respected by my peers ever again, I found the movie for free online and it’s supposed to be solid,” Pierce sighed. “The director won an award for it at the Copenhagen International Film Festival, so, that’s a plus.”

At press time, several communications studies students were seen going to the movies using money that they didn’t spend on a ton of textbooks.

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