By Jeremy Vandroff
In a last ditch effort to investigate suspicious circumstances surrounding Dean of Students Ronald Ludman’s sudden “retirement,” Emerson President Lee Pelton busted down Ludman’s office door, only to find the Dean had already skipped town.
“The bastard got away!” exclaimed an agitated Pelton, as he rifled through desk drawers, frantic for clues. “He must be 800 miles from here by now…”
After crafting a politically correct email informing the Emerson community of Ludman’s end of tenure, Pelton headed to the basement of Piano Row, flashlight in hand, searching for an underground tunnel system.
When reached for comment, Pelton urged anyone to go to the authorities if they had any information about Dean Ludman. After a minute, he reconsidered.
“Come to me first.”
At press time, Dean Ludman was boarding a 747 jet to Manila, sporting a false mustache and a duffel bag full of cash.