Student Asks If You’ve Heard About Her “Alternative Spring Break”

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By: Malcolm Kelner

Multiple eyewitness sources have confirmed an Emerson student has asked yet another fellow student if she’s heard about her “alternative spring break.”

Sources add that this is approximately the 16th reported case of this student doing so just this week.

“You doing anything for spring break?” senior Maggie Hondlik asked a classmate after her marketing class, bringing the topic up solely so she could mention her own plans.

“Oh, you’re going to Cancun, nice! I’ll be in Mexico too, but in a small village off of the Pacific coast that you probably haven’t heard of.”

After the mere acquaintance to Hondlik responded, “Oh, cool,” Hondlik continued.

“Have you heard about what I’ll be doing there yet? No? Well I can tell you not drinking or partying! It’s actually an alternative spring break program, where it’s a trip based on service and not personal, carnal enjoyment. I’ll be working with some other college students to help with desalinization efforts to provide clean drinking water for the city and surrounding communities. I mean, you probably know about the issues with water in Mexico, right?”

“Now I feel so guilty,” the classmate responded tepidly after a pause. “You’re out saving the world and I’m just going to be drunk for a week straight.”

“Oh, please,” Hondlik retorted. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to make a difference down there too!”

At press time, Hondlik was changing her profile picture back to a photo of her surrounded by young African children from her last alternative spring break.

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