BREAKING: Freshman Approves Of New Kendrick Lamar Album


By: Malcolm Kelner

BREAKING NEWS: An Emerson student reportedly approves of Kendrick Lamar’s new album.

In a Facebook status penned just minutes ago, freshman marketing major Gavin Schoening wrote, “That new Kendrick tho (sic)… so dope.”

According to sources close to Schoening, the Billings, Montana native was “super stoked” when Lamar released his album “To Pimp A Butterfly” a week earlier than expected, and listened to the entire 1 hour and 19 minutes of the album consecutively.

While his enthusiasm for the new music seems to be sincere, critics have already pounced on Schoening, citing the fact that he has only expressed any sort of fandom for Kendrick Lamar in the past year, and that Lamar is one of the few very popular artists that literally no one criticizes being a fan of.

“That’s such a typical media spin job,” Shoening said in response to the critics. “I liked King Kendrick way before he was mainstream. I was bumping Section 8 [referring to Section.80- Lamar’s first studio album] on my way to school every day when no one knew about him yet. I was probably like his fifth fan.”

“Don’t act like Swimming Pools was the first song by him I had ever heard!”

At press time, Schoening was asking his roommate if he’s ever heard of Childish Gambino.

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