Sophomore With Fake I.D. Raises Hand Frequently In Class

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By Charlie Greenwald

There are a myriad of nightclubs in the city of Boston, and it’s clear that sophomore Jesse Fishman is taking full advantage. Sources say Fishman, a transfer sophomore currently slogging his way through Fundamentals of Speech Communication, regularly raises his hand in class to show off the back, oft-decorated with Sharpie x’s and lounge stamps.

“I’m friends with a lot of upperclassmen,” said Fishman, glowing with pride. “We throw down on weekends, weekdays… whenever we feel like really turning up.”

Ohio native Fishman, 20, transferred into Emerson last January after finishing three semesters at Husson University in Maine. Immediately after finding out all about the clubs and bars close to Emerson’s campus, Fishman secured a $200 fake I.D. that says he is from Annapolis, Maryland. Although he says he is convinced that his class thinks he’s “the man,” many of Fishman’s first-year classmates told Lion’s Tooth that they’re not actually impressed with his markings.

“He’s not special,” said Marblehead native Vanessa Richmond. “I can basically get into anywhere anytime I want, so… yeah.”

Even Fishman’s professors have expressed disapproval.

“Maybe if he tried to wash it off, I wouldn’t care, but he keeps the thing so fresh, it’s obnoxious,” said Fishman’s professor, Jamie Fields. “Also, he never knows the right answer so he should stop participating.”

Fishman isn’t fazed by the critics. He said that last week, he went to Sweetwater Tavern’s final karaoke night, sang “Stan” by Eminem with a friend, and hit on an older girl.

“It was a raucous time at Sweetwater last Wednesday,” said Fishman. “Had a couple of Angry Orchard’s, got a few numbers, then called it a night.”

At press time, Fishman was seen waiting in line on Friday evening at Julep, by Faneuil Hall, in 27 degree weather.

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