DH Television Sitting Idly, Waiting Patiently For Sports Kids

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By Charlie Greenwald

Citing the lack of sports kids eating lunch in the LB today, the DH television was reportedly spotted moping around the back of the dining hall, unappreciated and alone.

“There’s always somebody in here watching SportsCenter,” said the TV, holding back tears. “But some days are just so busy, and nobody wants to watch me.”

The shunned 54″ JVC went on to say that he wished more students from other extracurricular backgrounds utilized his services.

“‘Dog Day Afternoon’ is on AMC for the film kids, ‘Good Morning America’ for the journalists, and I’m even airing Apple commercials all day long on TBS for the marketing students,” the TV exclaimed. “I don’t want to be on ESPN all day long, especially when the jocks aren’t here!”

At press time, the TV was anxiously waiting for the dinner rush.

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