BREAKING: Freshman Posts Schedule


By: Malcolm Kelner

BREAKING NEWS: An Emerson freshman has posted a screenshot of his class schedule for the Fall 2015 semester on Facebook.

This is a fluid situation and the Lion’s Tooth reporting team is still attempting to gather details, but sources tell us that the student also wrote a witty caption that accompanied the post.

While our sources haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what the caption said, they can confirm the student either expressed delight over getting all four classes he wanted– and how that somehow reflected some sort of skill on his part, mild satisfaction over getting just some of the classes he wanted, or bitched about a technical error or supposed “break-in attempt” on eCommon that caused him to have to take one of his backup classes… on a Friday.

We tried to reach the student for comment, but he had immediately gone back to sleep after his 7 AM registration time.

President Lee Pelton has urged everyone in the Emerson community to view the student’s schedule screenshot.

“This is a monumental day for all of us here at Emerson,” Pelton said. “We ask everyone to drop whatever they’re doing, let his class list completely soak in, and contemplate how it affects your lives. Even if you’re not Facebook friends with this kid, find someone who is, so you can see it.”

At press time, the hacker who had broken into the student’s account was electronically siphoning off the remaining $16.82 of EC Cash to pay for cigarettes.

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