“Huge Sox Fan” Pumped About Opening Day Win

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By: Malcolm Kelner

Emerson sophomore and “huge Sox fan” Chris Timmons is reportedly ecstatic about the Boston Red Sox Opening Day 8-0 victory against the Philadelphia Phillies.

“One and zero, baby!” exclaimed the film major, who bought the knock-off “B” hat he’s been wearing today at a cart by the Park Street T stop just yesterday.

“Big Papi and Progeria are two of the best players in the league,” the Cleveland native continued with a smile. “Always so fun to watch them play out there on the pitch at Fenway Stadium. Progeria is just a little guy; he’s only like my size but he still crushes it out there. It’s inspiring, man.”

Lion’s Tooth reporters asked Timmons why there was so much added excitement going into the 2015 season for him and other big fans.

“It’s obvious,” the sports expert responded confidently. “They bought some really good players over the offseason. They bought that big guy, the Kung Fu Panda, and then brought back Manny Ramirez to play left fielder… talk about a feel-good story. It’s like it’s straight out of a movie script!”

Our reporters then asked Timmons if he happened to watch the game.

“Of course, what kind of question is that?” Timmons quipped. “I loved when Manny hit those two home runs and then was hugging Big Papi on the sidelines. It’s like he never left.”

“Manny being Manny!”

At press time, Timmons was making plans to root on the Celtics in tonight’s NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship Game.

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