By: Malcolm Kelner
Following the overnight arrest of the Didgeridoo Guy, President Lee Pelton had to make the tough decision to go with plan B for Emerson’s undergrad commencement address, Robin Roberts.
“We thought we had really struck gold when the Didgeridude agreed to speak at Commencement the other day,” Pelton said, “but alas, it turned out to be just too good to be true.”
“I guess Robin Roberts it is then,” he added with a dejected head shake and sigh. “Yeah, go ahead and announce it. It’s official. Whatever.”
Our sources who witnessed the Didgeridoo Guy’s arrest tell us a full FBI SWAT team stormed his cove in front of the Colonial Theatre in the dead of night.
After a lengthy battle in which several SWAT members were knocked unconscious from the Didgeridude’s lightning-quick swinging of his instrument, he was finally subdued and shoved into the back of the armored truck.
The Didgeridoo Guy was reportedly arrested for hacking into the CIA’s database and leaking classified government documents to North Korea. After carrying out this elaborate scheme for several years, authorities were finally able to pinpoint the Didgeridude as the culprit.
At press time, students were coming around to the idea of having four-time Emmy Award winner, breast cancer and MDS surviver, Broadcasting & Cable Hall of Fame member, and industry trailblazer Robin Roberts speak at Commencement.