Berkeley Beacon’s Earth-Shattering Report Reveals Emerson Has Diversity Problem

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By: Malcolm Kelner

As the main story in its April 23rd issue, the Berkeley Beacon revealed an earth-shattering report based on last semester’s first ever climate survey that shows Emerson College has a problem with a lack of diversity.

The explosive report saturated with really neat bar graphs revealed that, amazingly, Emerson students say they value diversity, but incredibly, find Emerson’s pathetic, whitewashed level of “diversity” among the student body and staff lacking, while shockingly, by virtue of its small and under-represented campus demographic, the black student population doesn’t feel the same sense of belonging as the general student population, and astonishingly, the same black population feels the administration isn’t concerned as much about its welfare.

Only one word can sum up such shocking findings: Wow.

“I had to do a double-take when I saw this report,” said junior Rachel Wilson. “Before I thought Emerson had a really racially and socio-economically diverse and satisfied student body, and that we weren’t nearly all white and upper-middle class or wealthy, but I guess not.”

“No, really, I swear I read the Berkeley Beacon.”

At press time, the Berkeley Beacon was preparing their next big exposé: ‘The majority of students are unsatisfied with the DH.’

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