Campus Braces Itself Amid Facebook Updates Of Freshman’s Final Paper

Male student using his laptop

By: Malcolm Kelner

The entire Emerson student body is bracing itself as freshman Taylor Kraus continues to post Facebook updates on how he’s doing writing the final paper for his Research Writing class.

“5 pages done, 5 to go. Ohhhhh we’re halfway thereeee,” quipped one of Kraus’s 17 statuses in the last 4 hours.

Despite Kraus’s cautious optimism, the rest of the school isn’t quite sold.

“I don’t know if he can do it,” said nervous senior McKenna Donovan. “He only has until 1 PM to hand it in, and according to his last status, he had to start over with a different prompt option not that long ago.”

“Yeah, he’s fucked,” echoed junior Tyler Carlson, who cancelled his prior plans for the afternoon in order to sit at his computer and wait to hear the news as it happens. “But hey, I’m rooting for the kid.”

At press time, Kraus had just posted a status bitching about ECwireless.

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