UH,OH: Freshman Unwittingly Leaves Kevin McCallister Behind During Move-Out

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In what can be only be described as a terrible mistake, acting major Rachael Barde accidentally left behind 8-year-old boy Kevin McCallister in her dorm room.

“Oh no – I forgot Kevin!” cried Barde this afternoon, seen frazzled in the middle of Chicago’s busy O’Hare Airport just after landing. “I can’t believe I remembered my out of date college writing textbooks, but forgot an entire kid – oh brother, this is bad.”

As of now, no word has been made on Kevin’s current status, nor whether or not Barde will receive fines from the Office of House and Residence Life. However, the office has stepped forward to give explicit instructions to RAs and Desk Assistants on how to avoid any of McCallister’s signature booby traps should they encounter them during the extended stay week.

“It’s only for three months, what’s the worst that could happen,” reassured Barde’s father, Kurt. “The kid’s been through this a million times, he can take care of himself.”

At press time, two ECPD officers that looked suspiciously like Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern were seen making their way through the commons.

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