By Jeremy Vandroff
Kevin Phillips, a sophomore VMA major who stayed in Boston to take some summer courses, is totally having sex with several girls from his “Women in American Literature” class this summer, but you probably don’t know any of them.
“I was super pumped when I walked in the classroom for the first time, because there were definitely a bunch of chicks who are just my type,” reported Phillips, who’s only previously known type was his junior year high school girlfriend.
“It’s just too bad none of my buddies know who they are, because they would definitely be jealous.”
According to Phillips, his courtship of the young ladies began when he introduced himself on the first day of class, and explained how a fun fact about him was that he knows a guy who was a PA on “Avengers: Age of Ultron.”
“They were all pretty impressed, for sure,” Phillips recalled.
From there, it was just a matter of time before these beautiful classmates of his fell for the scrawny aspiring auteur from Cleveland. The hookups have purportedly been both spontaneous, and legendary.
When pressed for details on the young ladies, Phillips explained that he unfortunately could not provide any.
“They’re totally random chicks, you wouldn’t know them. I think they’re like Communication Disorders majors or something.”
When Lion’s Tooth pointed out perhaps Phillips could track some of the co-eds down on social media, Phillips sighed and explained that most of them had deleted their Facebook accounts because they’re hipsters who resisted conformity… making them all the hotter.
At press time, every girl in Phillips’ class was apparently transferring to NYU or something next semester.