Students Creeped Out By Emerson’s New Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor


By: Malcolm Kelner

With just one day of classes in the books at Emerson, the enthusiasm over the new school year has quickly turned to concern thanks to new Defense Against the Darks Arts professor, Guenther Clanderstone.

According to multiple sources, it took Emerson’s administration all summer to fill the “cursed” teaching position, which, rumor has it, hasn’t been held by the same professor for more than one year in what sources also say has been “quite some time.”

A Lion’s Tooth background check on the mysterious Clanderstone turned up virtually nothing about his former employment history, only uncovering that he currently lives alone in Salem and graduated with honors from Suffolk.

“His class this afternoon was definitely the scariest hour and forty five minutes of my life,” stammered freshman Jessica Woods.

“Professor Clanderstone would have been creepy enough on his own even without what he did to that poor guy. I don’t know the kid but I hope he’s okay.”

The incident Woods spoke of happened when Clanderstone caught freshman Michael Dunbar texting under his desk and with a rapid flourish of his wand, turned him into a cat.

Despite Clanderstone promising to both return Dunbar’s phone and turn him back into a human by the end of class, he apparently couldn’t remember the right spell. Dunbar then had to be rushed to the Health & Wellness Center, where he was administered the antidote potion.

The entire staff at Lion’s Tooth wishes the young man a full and speedy recovery.

At press time, Lee Pelton was gazing into his Pensieve.

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