Emerson Republicans Flee To Underground Cave For GOP Debate Viewing

Screen Shot 2015-09-15 at 8.53.56 PM
By: Charlie Greenwald

With the highly anticipated Republican Debate live on CNN this evening, a group of Emerson students with conservative political views were seen driving far away to an enormous, dark cave to watch the televised event.

“We’re all really excited to hear what some of the candidates have to say,” said junior Klay Parker, a political communications major. “Carson has been rising in the ranks, but he wasn’t too outstanding last debate – I’m interested to see what Rubio’s take on immigration tonight will be.”

Several Emerson students, including Bill Fowler, Leah DeCosta, and Marcus Sheller, were seen setting up a television and wireless cable in a spooky-looking cavern with little to no light and bats everywhere.

“This place is perfect,” said professor Rhonda Jameson, seen absconding from Emerson’s campus with her tail between her legs. “Should be a lovely viewing – we’ve got a solid crowd of 6 people!”

Sources say the crew of Reagan lovers had steak burritos and tortillas, as well as plenty of vegan options, including salads and spicy butternut squash.

“Here, we can get an uninterrupted viewing,” Fowler said, nearly out of breath. “Hopefully we make it back to campus with no traffic afterwards.”

At press time, the rest of the Emerson campus was silent, with most students ignoring the debate and silently donating to Bernie Sanders’ campaign.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s