Freshman Couple Cuts Off Long Distance P-Row/Paramount Relationship

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By: Malcolm Kelner

It’s a sad day for love, as an Emerson freshman couple has decided to break up after a once-promising but difficult long distance relationship between Piano Row and Paramount.

“I loved her so much, and probably still will for some time, but never being able to see each other has been really hard on both of us,” said teary-eyed marketing major and Piano Row resident Blake Campbell, who mutually parted ways with acting major and Paramount Center resident Marie Gonzalez over the weekend via phone call.

Gonzalez confirmed she had strong mutual feelings for Campbell, adding, “It’s really such a shame, but the luck of the Emerson housing draw didn’t swing our way so maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Campbell and Gonzalez met during freshman orientation week in the “Hooray!” session in the Revere Hotel, and sources tell us the attraction was almost instant. However, both were crestfallen to learn that one lived in the Piano Row dorms and the other in the far off and seemingly lightyears away Paramount Center, an arduous .3 miles and 6-minute walk apart.

Despite the considerable distance obstacle, a factor which dooms many relationships all over the world, the young lovers were determined to make it work.

“I took a vacation over to Paramount to stay with her during Labor Day weekend, and it was such a great time,” said Campbell. “But the commute was just unbearable and those winds at the Boylston and Tremont intersection are straight-up dangerous.”

Eyewitness sources told us they spotted the svelte Campbell rolling a suitcase while crossing the intersection on his journey over to his now ex-girlfriend, and he was reportedly getting blown around like a scarecrow before face-planting into the pavement.

“After his injuries from the wind, I suggested one of us could take an Uber to the other place going forward, but with surge pricing and everything, it can add up fast on a college budget,” lamented Gonzalez.

In the two weeks following their labor day reunion, the couple had been communicating every day over text and FaceTime, and sources say it had been going pretty well at first–so well, in fact, that they had planned to do another vacation to see each other during Columbus Day weekend, at Piano Row this time.

But tragically, even modern day electronics couldn’t quite fill the void of old fashioned in-person contact, which was simply impossible to have consistently given the vast geographical divide. Therefore, the frustrated students decided they had no choice but to part ways.

Such a shame.

At press time, both students were also considering a breakup from the DH.

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