Journalism Major Desperately Asking People If They’ve Seen Recent USA Today Rankings

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By: Malcolm Kelner

An Emerson journalism major is desperately asking people if they’ve seen the recent USA Today rankings that rank Emerson as the top journalism college in the country.

“So… you see those rankings?” senior Kevin Burwell has reportedly asked at least 50 people so far, in a faux playful but actually completely sincere voice.

Sources say Burwell posted the link to the article on Facebook with the caption, “I’ll just leave this here…” within minutes of its publishing.

Since then, he has been aggressively starting conversations about it with non-Emerson students and Emersonians in other majors alike, making sure everyone saw the big news that seemed to validate his entire existence.

“You saw that, right? Northwestern? Nope. Syracuse? Overrated. Mizzou? Better luck next year,” he said to mostly blank responses.

“We’re the best!” he quickly added, less playfully this time.

At press time, Burwell was stressing out about finding a job in an extremely difficult and financially unrewarding field while having to pay back massive student loans.

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