Rain-Drenched Freshman From Seattle In A Daze

sad lt guy

By Charlie Greenwald

After taking a good look at the forecast for this week, which includes the possibility of a hurricane this weekend, water-soaked freshman Turner Lyons was seen trudging through the streets of Boston, coming to terms with life as a series of endlessly rainy afternoons.

“It’s never-ending,” Turner groaned. “This is my existence.”

Several teachers were concerned about Lyons’ state. Professor Frankie Dreyfuss, a History of Jazz teacher, said she saw Turner look at the weather report and slip into a trance.

“I am deeply worried. We’re notifying the parents tomorrow,” said LeRoy Adams, a school administrator.

At press time, local meteorologist and Emerson Vice President of Communications and Marketing Andy Tiedemann was also seen in a delusional state, shopping at a supermarket and stocking up on supplies in preparation for the impending squall.

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