By Charlie Greenwald
After taking a good look at the forecast for this week, which includes the possibility of a hurricane this weekend, water-soaked freshman Turner Lyons was seen trudging through the streets of Boston, coming to terms with life as a series of endlessly rainy afternoons.
“It’s never-ending,” Turner groaned. “This is my existence.”
Several teachers were concerned about Lyons’ state. Professor Frankie Dreyfuss, a History of Jazz teacher, said she saw Turner look at the weather report and slip into a trance.
“I am deeply worried. We’re notifying the parents tomorrow,” said LeRoy Adams, a school administrator.
At press time, local meteorologist and Emerson Vice President of Communications and Marketing Andy Tiedemann was also seen in a delusional state, shopping at a supermarket and stocking up on supplies in preparation for the impending squall.