Monday 9/28, 7:41 PM – Student detained outside Piano Row after claiming to Max Café cashier he got a cheese pizza when in fact it was loaded with toppings in an attempt to save $2.15 in Board Bucks.
Tuesday 9/29, 5:36 PM – Another student throwing something out a window probably.
Thursday 10/1 8:22 PM – Reports of loud noises coming from the basement of Piano Row. Determined to be caused by sports.
Thursday 10/1, 3:10 PM – Unattended script of The Big Bang Theory Episode 3×11 “The Cornhusker Vortex” found near Iwasaki Library printers. No suspects have been named.
Saturday 10/3, 2:47 AM – Rumors of stabbing near Paramount. ECPD dropped the case when faced with the prospect of having to go all the way to Paramount.
Saturday 10/3, 10:08 PM – Somebody set off the fucking fire alarm trying to make instant mac and cheese.