Emerson Women’s Lacrosse Team Becomes First NCAA Team To Break Sound Barrier

imageIn an exciting day for the Emerson athletic department, the Emerson Women’s Lacrosse team has become the first team in NCAA history to break the sound barrier.

Sources report the moment happened in the back room of the Dining Hall, in which the team registered a truly astounding mark of 145.7 decibels, edging out the previous record for an athletic team/event, when fans of the Kansas City Chiefs reached 142.2 dbA during a game last season.

“We’re incredibly proud of our wonderful student-athletes,” said Athletic Director Pat Nicol. “First these young women had the highest GPA of any Division III lacrosse team last year, and now they’ve managed to accomplish something even greater. My hat is off to them.”

The most impressive part of the feat, perhaps, was that unlike the situation in the record the team broke–an NFL game–this one happened completely spontaneously, without anyone even trying.

The Lions were merely sitting down to a DH lunch and the collective noise of their conversation became so loud and traveled so fast, it created a sonic boom.

“I had no idea we did anything special at first,” said senior captain midfielder Juliet Whiley. “And then all of a sudden these two guys in suits waving recorders ran up to us and congratulated us.”

“I mean, I used to always say we were the loudest people wherever we went but I didn’t know we were capable of this!”

Sophomore defender Maddie Stalock was equally flattered and surprised, and then asked if she could add something.

“White boys are whack!” she shouted, sending the rest of her team into a tizzy and another deafening roar.

At press time, every one of Emerson’s 2016 opponents had forfeited their games against them.

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