By: Malcolm Kelner
A freshman successfully hid his enormous glass bong in the ceiling tiles of his Piano Row dorm room just minutes before his parents arrived for Family Weekend, averting a potential major crisis.
Sources tell us film major Parker Singleton initially panicked when he got the text from his mom saying, “Stuck in traffic on Boilsten (sic), be there in 5,” as he had “totally spaced” about the planned visit.
But in a truly clutch bit of ingenuity, he sprung into action, climbing on his bed to remove a large ceiling tile. Then with the help of his trusty roommate, he carefully raised “Blazer” (the nickname he had given the massive piece of expensive drug paraphernalia) into the ceiling, replaced the tile, and jumped back down to the floor.
Sources added that just to be safe, Singleton finished the task by taking down his mural of Wiz Khalifa and replacing it with a Mumford & Sons poster, before gleefully bounding downstairs.
At press time, Singleton’s dad asked his son about the scale on his desk, to which he responded he needed it for his Intro to Chemistry class.