Emerson Frat Bro Has Come To Jesus Moment, Actually Mulling Over Serious Relationship


By: Malcolm Kelner

A frat bro from one of Emerson’s most prestigious and well-respected fraternities has had a Come to Jesus Moment after another weekend of partying and promiscuity.

Junior Television Production major Ryan Halvorsen reportedly made the proclamation to his Allston housemates just this morning, telling them he was tired of having to sleep with so many girls every weekend, and he wanted to begin the search for a relationship instead.

“As a proud member of this fraternity, I have no choice but to uphold the standard of banging different chicks every night,” Halvorsen explained to Lion’s Tooth reporters.

“And don’t get me wrong, it’s great, not gonna lie. But it gets tiring and leaves me kind of empty after awhile. A lot of guys at Emerson, who maybe didn’t have what it takes to get in this fraternity, would love to be in my position, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

We asked Halvorsen what the final straw was for him that triggered his big decision.

“There wasn’t like one specific moment that made me realize it per se, but for a good while now I’ve realized… I’ve had sex with so many different women, but I’ve never truly made love to one.”

“And that shit hits deep, man.”

At press time, Halvorsen was seen tearfully deleting his Tinder account.

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