Student Uses Dunkin Donuts Side Door Into Little Building To Avoid Panhandler

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By: Malcolm Kelner

This morning a savvy Emerson student used the side door that connects Dunkin Donuts and the Little Building in order to avoid an aggressive panhandler.

On his way to get coffee and a breakfast sandwich, freshman marketing major Michael Chang had the door to Dunkin opened for him by the panhandler, who shouted, “There you go sir, enjoy!”

“Thanks, I’ll get you on the way out,” Chang lied to the Patriots jersey-wearing middle-aged man, as he already knew what his plan of escape was.

After receiving his order, sources say Chang took a quick glance back to make sure the guy wasn’t looking, darted around the corner and through the side door into the Little Building, and exited out the front door of LB to continue on his way.

Onlookers were impressed by Chang’s actions.

“For a freshman, that was a veteran move right there,” said senior Will Stanton.

“As much as Emerson’s tour guides tout that side door as some sort of great ‘convenience,’ everyone knows the only point of it is to avoid the Dunkin door-openers,” added junior Kelly Nettleton.

“He doesn’t need that guilt sitting with him all day. Well done, kid.”

At press time, Chang was faking a phone call to avoid PETA activists.

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