By: Malcolm Kelner
BREAKING NEWS: Racial tensions at the University of Missouri have reportedly been stopped and completely solved by a heroic Emerson student’s copied and pasted Facebook status.
Junior WLP major Peter McClelland posted the chain message word for word this morning after seeing multiple other students do the same in the last 24 hours, expressing his “[standing] in solidarity” with Mizzou’s students of color, and that he is “watching.”
Within an hour of his post, sources on Mizzou’s campus tell us the racial tensions have completely subsided, no more threats are being made against black students, and the school has instantly become a safe and welcoming environment for those students.
Meanwhile, national activists are commending McClelland for his bravery and dedicated, hands-on effort to the cause with the selfless copy and paste.
At press time, McClelland was passing on a student strategy meeting about making Emerson a safer and more inclusive space, because he had “too much homework.”