By: Malcolm Kelner
An Emerson sorority is seeking new members as it begins its spring validation season for second semester.
“Attention ladies of Emerson!” wrote sorority president Blair Weber on Facebook. “Spring validation is here. Make sure to visit the amazing ladies of our sorority at the Org Fair tomorrow to find out about your chances to get your entire lives constantly validated for years to come!”
At their booth at the Organization Fair, Weber and some other upperclassmen sisters of the sorority are planning on reaching out to the most attractive young women who walk by, telling them they seem cool and asking if they’ve ever thought about participating in Emerson Greek life, and then filling them in on what spring validation season and sorority life entails.
“We’ll give them our quick spiel,” Weber said. “We’ll let them know if they get a bid, they can expect to constantly be told in person and on social media how amazingly beautiful they look, how talented they are in their chosen field, and how funny, smart, nice, and fun they are to be around.”
“We’ll make sure if they’re ever acting out of line, we’ll never call them out on it,” she continued, “and also remind them that any breakdown of their relationships–be it professional, casual, or romantic–will always be the other person’s fault, not theirs, because our sisters are perfect and are without any shortcomings. Hopefully they can handle it.”
“Oh and obviously, they’ll be expected to do the same for us,” she added sternly.
At press time, all the sisters were updating their cover photos to a recent pop culture meme with the text altered to involve their sorority.