Kasteel Well Admin Working Tirelessly to Create Cult-Level Closeness Among New Students

Screen Shot 2016-01-19 at 7.28.03 PM

By Anna Torzullo

WELL, NETHERLANDS – Fired up and ready to go as the fresh batch of Kasteel Well students arrived at the castle, OSA veteran Klara Aalders has been reportedly been toiling away on the orientation week schedule, which fosters intense bonding sessions among the students.

“This is my bread and butter, so to speak,” Aalders smiled.

Aalders, 35, has planned multiple events for the Kasteel Well orientation week. She is initially planning on bringing the group into a room filled with candles, where they will close their eyes and tell the person to the left their favorite food, and the person to the right their most shameful romantic fantasies.

“I love Klara’s programs – they are so comforting,” said Jessica Viela, a Castle dweller last autumn. “It’s always great to be reminded just how many kids have also had dreams about the children’s character Little Bear.”

After the trust falls and a couple of rounds of spin-the-bottle, Aalder wants to initiate the most intensive phase of bonding among students: the Boston cleanse. In this stage, Kasteel Well faculty will show students pictures of the Dining Hall, the Ansin Building, and the Boston Common, to which all of the students will immediately bond over shared apathy. Some students will begin to cry, others vomit, and some will even wet their pants.

“Here at the Castle, Boston must be left behind for three months,” Aalders insisted. “Europe must be immersive.”

At press time, many Kasteel Well students were posting group Instagram photos with the caption, “my people.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s