Emerson College Poll: 99.5% Of Emerson College Students Hope Donald Trump Dies Tomorrow

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By: Malcolm Kelner

Emerson College recently made national headlines when Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump called the school a “very important, great college” after the Emerson College Polling Society cited Trump with a 10 point lead in Iowa.

Now, a follow-up poll by Emerson College has revealed that 99.5% of Emerson College students hope Donald Trump dies tomorrow, whether by natural causes or assassination.

“When he said we should make a Muslim registry and ban all Muslim immigrants to America, I officially lost all respect for him,” said polled voter and junior WLP major Marcus Frazier. “He’s just targeting angry white people looking for someone else to blame. I hope he doesn’t wake up tomorrow.”

Another poll participant, freshman Sarah Wilson, despises Trump because of his continued misogynistic attacks on women.

“When he said Megyn Kelly had ‘blood coming out of her wherever’ because she was asking him tough debate questions, and that Hillary Clinton using the bathroom was ‘disgusting,’ that did it for me,” Wilson said. “Wouldn’t that be ironic if a woman poisoned him or something?”

Even the President of the Emerson College Republicans, senior Maddie Smart, said she has nothing but hatred for Trump too.

“Republicans aren’t about racism, we’re about conservative economic principles and a strong national defense,” Smart pleaded. “Tony Soprano was a conservative, right? We should get a real-life mobster to whack him so he can’t get the nomination.”

The poll revealed the few Emerson students who hope Trump makes it through the weekend are all aspiring standup comedians who hope to have endless and relevant material for the next four years.

3 thoughts on “Emerson College Poll: 99.5% Of Emerson College Students Hope Donald Trump Dies Tomorrow

  1. Um, the only people saying “All lives matter” are other conservatards who don’t get that it’s unarmed BLACK kids being killed by the cops and not ALL kids. The message is to the cops. Telling THEM that black lives matter TOO. Not just just the white ones. What don’t you conservatards get about that anyway?

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