President Pelton Skillfully Weaves Through News-Hungry Paparazzi Outside His House


leepeltonpressBy Charlie Greenwald

Ducking his head and slithering through a swarm of snapping cameras after a long day of work, Emerson College President Lee Pelton was able to safely get inside his house today after a barrage of cameramen stormed his Beacon Hill abode and aggressively asked for comment on the overabundance of Emerson-related headlines during these past few weeks.

“My staff and I have been discussing important matters all day long, and we hope that Emerson College can continue to maintain a reputation as a place for communication and innovation of the arts,” Pelton said as he swiftly glided past an invasive boom microphone and a shutterbug clawing at his suit jacket. “No further comment at this time.”

In the past few weeks, Emerson College has been in the news an unprecedented amount. In just 18 days, hover boards were banned from the entire campus, businessman Donald Trump called the college “very important” after citing a poll and Senator Ted Cruz was tricked into a fake marriage proposal at a rally, all before a student on campus ignited controversy when he tried to rent out his dorm room online. In the wake of these developments, journalists from The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, CNN and more have found their way to the campus and the paparazzi are salivating, stalking Pelton and on the lookout for more stories involving Emersonians.

“Emerson is the hottest thing in the news, and we’re all clamoring for Pelton to say something about it,” said TMZ photographer Jamie Witherspoon, who was sent to Boston from New York to begin covering Emerson-related news. “I was supposed to be taking pictures of Victoria Beckham at JFK but they sent me here for a few days to see what I could scope out.”

At press time, the Berkeley Beacon staff was reportedly pushing brand-new hot topic articles on EIV and Park Plaza.

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