By: Malcolm Kelner
BREAKING NEWS: Several Emerson students think the wrong people got the shiny golden horns last night.
Multiple sources confirm that not only did the students insist the wrong people got the shiny horns, but there were also specific other people more deserving of the shiny horns who did not receive them.
More specifically, the students insisted many of the people who were handed the shiny horns already had received more than enough shiny horns in the past, and it was time for some new people who had never gotten any shiny horns to get the shiny horns this time.
Sources add that the students are expressing their opinions about the shiny horns on social media, with many opinions accompanied by articles reaffirming how the shiny horn party was a total tragedy and the shiny horn-givers have no idea what they’re doing.
Also, there was something about cultural implications of some of the shiny horns too.
At press time, students were getting ready to bitch about how the wrong people will get the shiny golden little men in a couple weeks.