Lee Pelton Ensures New Dining Facility Will Still Have Terrible Food

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By: Malcolm Kelner

In an e-mail from President Lee Pelton and corresponding article on Emerson’s new website, exciting new changes for the repurposing of the Colonial Theatre were announced this morning.

The biggest part of the Colonial renovation is the creation of a new Student Dining Center, opening for the Fall 2017 semester. Shown in artist renderings, the new state-of-the-art facility will have two levels, and even outdoor seating for warm weather.

While freshman and sophomore students have been getting excited about what’s in store for them in a couple years, Pelton has urged students to keep their enthusiasm in check, reminding everyone that the new dining hall will still have horrible food.

“Listen, I know those drawings look cool, but notice I never mentioned anything about the quality of the food,” Pelton sternly told reporters.

Pelton clarified the College still plans on using Sodexo and not changing anything about the menu, or expanding it to include healthier options.

“Just because there’s going to be all that glass and steel doesn’t mean the food will suck any less,” Pelton continued.

“The Dining Center will still be nothing but a means to an end of satiation, but just a little prettier now. There will still be bread bowls.”

At press time, Emerson was doubling tuition.

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