Desperate For Spring Break To Start, President Pelton Flies To Chile Early For Kayaking Trip


By Charlie Greenwald

Citing what has been an uncompromisingly stressful semester so far, Emerson President Lee Pelton bumped up his flight to Chile to jumpstart his solo whitewater rafting trip in the small town of Futaleufú.

“Sometimes, a man just needs to go to the river,” Pelton said, clutching his oar firmly like a combat sword. “It’s always good to clear the head, attack the rapids, get the juices really flowing.”

Futaleufú is well-known for its excellent paddling and gorgeous scenery, winding its way through the Andes with stellar mountain views. Emerson’s revered leader said it was a bucket list destination of his for ten years, until now.

“Any river runner worth his weight in neoprene needs to go to Chile,” Pelton beamed, throwing his phone into the river and basking in the sunlight. “This is the life.”

Pelton’s return has not yet been announced, but sources say he will “probably” be back by the end of vacation.

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