Emerson Warns Students To Avoid Cultural Appropriation On St. Patrick’s Day


In a mass e-mail to the Emerson student body, Interim Dean of Students Sharon Duffy warned students to avoid culturally appropriating the Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.

“As many of you are aware, March 17th marks St. Patrick’s Day, a cultural and religious feast day commemorating the anniversary of the death of Saint Patrick who lived during the 5th century,” Duffy began the message, definitely not inspired by Wikipedia.

“Given the seriousness of this holiday, we ask students without an Irish connection to please avoid taking part in the celebration and culturally appropriating,” she continued. “Tread lightly before offending your peers.”

The administration is reportedly very worried about an abundance of students wearing green today, and RA’s have been instructed to be on “high alert” tonight for not merely usual underage drinking, but rather drinking for the purpose of “assaulting certain students’ identities.”

“If you identify as Irish and feel like your safe space has been compromised, please report it to ECPD immediately, and swift action will be taken,” Duffy concluded.

At press time, no Irish students gave a shit.

One thought on “Emerson Warns Students To Avoid Cultural Appropriation On St. Patrick’s Day

  1. This isn’t great satire because believe-it-or-not this is a concern some Irish people have. Celebrating an American caricaturization of St. Paddy’s that has very little resemblance to the history of St. Patrick or Ireland is not the most respectful thing, neither is claiming that because you’re 1/64th Irish you can perpetuate and mock an alcoholic stereotype that has kept the Irish down for generations and continues to do today. Kinda makes you a tacky asshole.


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