ECPD Warns Students Of Onslaught Of Sports People In Boston This Afternoon

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By: Malcolm Kelner

The Emerson College Police Department has warned students of a potentially frightening and scarring occurrence this afternoon.

In a mass “Community Advisory” e-mail, ECPD Chief Bob Smith warned that between approximately 12:00 PM and 6:00 PM, Emerson’s campus and the Downtown Boston area will be overrun by sports people.

“At 2:00 PM today, one of the local sports teams is playing its first athletic contest in Boston of the year,” Smith wrote. “Because of the enthusiasm associated with this event, our campus and the surrounding area will be flooded with sports people.”

“Although rowdy, uniformed in red and white, and walking en masse, this is not an anarchist militia,” Smith continued. “None of the sports people should pose any risk to you, but for optimal safety, we advise all to NOT confront the sports people. Please contact ECPD with any concerns.”

At press time, nervous students were reporting an unusually large infiltration of sports people in their classes today.

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