With Commencement Tickets Running Low, Guy Named “Squirrel” Seen Scalping On Campus

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Eager to capitalize on a market of underserved and in-need seniors, a mystery man who only went by the name “Squirrel” was seen outside of the Piano Row building, selling extra graduation tickets for $5.00 a pop.

“I think it’s a pretty affordable price, especially for people who need a lot of extra tickets,” Squirrel said, finishing up a deal with a desperate senior who had just flown in from LA and who has 7 siblings coming, along with her parents, her grandparents, and her great-grandfather, flying in from Sri Lanka. “But don’t ask me how I got my hands on them… that I can’t tell you.”

While some seniors have been turning to Facebook class pages to make deals, Squirrel said he will be on-campus all day for students looking to just solidify extra tickets and not worry. He has said that although he will not be attending the ceremony, he looks forward to hearing all about it.

“I’m sure that all these people will have a grand old time,” Squirrel mumbled, before saying something about going to a Red Sox game that day to try and sell game-day tickets there.

No word yet on how Squirrel acquired these tickets, but sources close to the situation have told Lion’s Tooth that Squirrel may or may not be Robert DeFlavio, a commercial cinematographer who works out of Chicago and who is on the Board of Trustees.

 

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