Emerson’s Bernie Bros Make In Class Debate Analysis Super Fun


The morning after the first of 2016’s Presidential Election debates and Emerson’s campus was alight with talk of the night’s happenings.

Professors up and down Walker Building attempted to engage their students in constructive discussions focussed on the Trump, Clinton debates, and found the school’s resident Bernie Bros were more than happy to help facilitate.

“I hijacked the conversation because I felt I could really add something by being a stubborn holdout,” said Hannah Kissinger. “I thought both candidates were terrible, and rather than let people have a productive discussion on the issues that will definitely be shaping the country, I thought it would be a good idea keep whining on about a third party candidate that has no hope in hell of winning! And I did it loudly, too!”

That students didn’t really like either of the mainstream candidates was a great conversation to have when Donald Trump revealed he doesn’t pay taxes and wants to bring back unconstitutional stop and frisk.

“I really enjoyed the debates, and thought the candidates’ performances were super revealing,” said Dave Earnest, “But I’m glad that a Bernie or Bust-er was in class to make sure we could cover precisely none of that.”

Some people had also just missed talking about America’s wacky Jewish granddad.

“It was really fun to revisit Bernie,” said Haylee Smite. “I hadn’t really heard anything from him, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that despite his multiple endorsements of Clinton, people are still trying to focus this important discussion on how he and the Libertarians won’t be changing the country in November. Ain’t that neat?”

Despite being hidden behind a pole in one of Walker’s windowless classrooms, VMA major Dan Tassily let his voice be heard.

“I don’t think we should be having an intelligent conversation to parse the candidates’ stances on generation-defining 21st century subjects of race, gender equality, and the environment, so we could all become more informed citizens,” said Tassily. “I didn’t even really watch the debates, but I wanted everyone to know I’m so cool, I won’t be voting for either. I’d much rather risk a Trump presidency.”

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