Comedy Minor Clown Consigned To Lurking In Her LB Double


Disheartened by the recent spate of scary clown sightings, Coco the comedy minor clown felt unsafe to leave her Little Building double to attend her classes.

Worried her Emerson peers would judge her or recoil in horror at her appearance, Coco barricaded the door to her room and instead spent the day taking mirror selfies, scrolling through clown-positive Tumblr blogs, and talking on the phone with her utterly normal suburban parents.

“I’d initially been buoyed by the gender neutral restroom’s that Emerson was serious in its commitment to diversity, but I’m just not sure anybody could accept me,” Coco told Lion’s Tooth through the door of her dorm room.

Coco skipped her 10 a.m. “Comedy through History” class, 2 p.m. “Lol-ing and Hahas,” and her only food for the day was a bag of Muddie Buddie Chex Mix she had her roommate bring her from the C Store.

When asked how Coco was as a roommate, sophomore Anastatia Kante said, “Oh, she’s fucking horrifying. Nobody should have to see that shit. I’ve had nightmares every night this semester because I share a room with her. Then I wake up screaming, and she comes over to see what’s wrong and it’s even more terrifying. It’s awful. I was randomly assigned her. Why else do you think I’m in a double in LB my sophomore year?”

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